Ok, so there is another beginning.

There is another beginning, there is another moment to start.
I've decided to found this blog because of several reasons:
1) I need motivation. Running a blog is great occasion to motivate and to form some random thoughts into something more shaped. Well, I'm lazy and when I'm run out of motivation, nothing goes further.
2) I need thinspiration. This blog, apart of being a diary, will become soon a personal collection of thinspiration pictures. Nothing motivates as good as nice girls and their beauty. I don't care if they're photoshopped or not. I don't care if they're celebrities or generic girls. I just care they are thin and sexy.
3) I need dialogue. Sincerely, I hope that some of people with similar problems will gather here, around my posts, and we will form a little, supportive circle. Yes. It has one more advantage. Support means motivation.
4) I need to loose weight. That's fact. And there is nothing to add. Or maybe, I will tell you a little.

Because of some sick stuff I had in life, I've gain huge weight. When I was 18, I was 187 lbs. And then came some critical moment, when my relationship crushed. I realised that I have depression and this is the problem - I eat like crazy because I'm sad, and I cannot live this way anymore. I want to be like other girls. I want to change my life totally, and I must start from myself.
And yes, that was the beginning of many problems. I have had many wins and many loses, in fact I still fight. Nothing is normal, and I won't try to tell you, that my weight loss is totally healthy and so on. I have ED, a few types of them combined in my personal sickness. Maybe they don't have many symptoms, but I feel that my self-esteem is not correct and objective. I know also, that there's no other way for me; all healthy diets I've tried failed, I was only gaining. I loose only when I starve or when I binge&purge.

Well, that's not simple. Now I try to live kinda normally, eating less and I try to not overdo with sweets, carbohydrates and stuff. But I have problems... and when I have problems, I eat.
This blog is made to help me deal with this stuff.

So let's start.
Now I'm 152 lbs, after many gaining-loosing periods. I've decided, that this is the final time to succeed for me: I'm 23 years old and I have enough. I'm over with it - with my life, with my weight, with thing I see in the mirror. Time to deal with it. Time for final fight.